And Then All The Songs Make Sense
by caskett.vs.stanathan
Summary: What will happen to our favourite duo, when suddenly all the songs DO make sense? Not always the happy songs, either...
1. You're Gonna See Right Through

_**You're Gonna See Right Through**_

**I know, I know. Another fic involving a song. But Beckett doesn't sing this one ;) My first actual songfic, so be nice :) BTW, post _Always_… The morning after, when they're naked :) pun totally intended for those that know the song… You'll get it after reading the lyrics... or just the name of the song ;p and for those that are confused, the name of this story is not the name of the song… ;) I'll put the name of the song in bold the first time it appears in the lyrics :)**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own _Castle_, that's AM's, and I don't own _Naked_, that's Avril Lavigne's. Which is sad cos I love them both… Great show, great song…

* * *

_I wake up in the morning_

_Put on my face_

_The one that's gonna get me_

_Through another day_

_It doesn't really matter_

_How I feel inside_

_This life is like a game sometimes_

I roll over and stretch my arms above my head. When I roll back I see Castle, still asleep. I'm surprised I'm actually awake this early after last night.

I reach over and gently run my index finger down his jawline.

And then it hits me: this is too good to be true.

I remove my hand from his face and pinch my forearm, hard enough to leave nail imprints on my skin.

Okay, so it's not a dream.

_Shit!_ I bolt upright. If this isn't a dream, then we really slept together, and I really told him I loved him, and he's really gonna die! I need to leave, right now. Before Maddox finds out I'm here and hurts Rick, Alexis, or Martha. What if he already knows I'm here? _Fuck!_

I hate Maddox! So much! If I had a choice, if it weren't for him, I'd stay in bed with Rick all day… very possibly all week. But of course that bastard had to ruin everything!

I quickly climb out of the bed and go on the scavenger hunt for my underwear. I find my bra on the doorhandle of the bathroom, but can't find my undies… Until I look back over at the bed and see them clutched in Rick's hand.

_Then you came around me_

_The walls just disappeared_

_Nothing to surround me_

_Keep me from my fears_

_I'm unprotected_

_See how I've opened up_

_Oh, you've made me trust_

"Looking for these?" He asks, eyes still closed, lifting up the finger that my undies are hooked on.

"Look, Rick. I need to go." I say, moving towards him.

"No you don't. Stay here."

"Rick, you don't get it. Maddox he… He threw me off a roof yesterday and left. I can guarantee he knows I'm still alive. If anything happens to you, I…" I stop talking in an attempt to not start crying, but he opens one eye and looks up at me. "Rick, please. If he finds out we're together, he'll kill you. Or Alexis or Martha. Please Rick. I can't live without you. And if anything happened to Martha or Alexis because of me…" I choke out a sob. "Please just let me go. I can't let him hurt you."

_I've never felt like this before_

_I'm **naked** around you_

_Does it show?_

_You see right through me_

_And I can't hide_

_I'm naked around you_

_And it feels so right_

"Kate," He whispers, propping himself up on his elbow, "I don't want you to leave. And not just because if you're gone I can't have amazing sex with you."

I blush and look down at my feet.

"I also don't want you to leave because I'd be worried about you so much I would probably physically be being sick. You know how overprotective I am and how much of a worry-wart I can become. I know you're scared, I do. And I know it's not just because you're worried that something will happen to Alexis, Mother, or I. But Kate, I promise you I'm not going to leave. I promised you always and I meant it."

"How do you do that?" I whisper, slowly lifting my eyes back up to meet his.

"Do what?"

"Read my mind."

"You're an easy book to read, Katherine Beckett."

I shake my head. "No, I'm not. Not usually. I'm not for anyone else. I never was before I met you. You've taken everything away from me, Rick. All of my walls, all of my reservations. _Everything_. How did you do it?"

He looks at me for a moment before answering. "By taking mine down first. You know the whole 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine' thing? Well, I realised if you were ever going to trust me, I'd have to take down my own walls first, I'd have to let you in first."

_I'm trying to remember_

_Why I was afraid_

_To be myself and let the_

_Covers fall away_

_I guess I never had someone like you_

_To help me, to help me fit_

_In my skin_

I slowly sit down on the edge of the bed beside him.

"You're so smart sometimes." I tease, gently grabbing hold of his cheek and squeezing it.

"I know, right?" He jokes back.

"Rick." I whisper. "You're the only person who I've cared about enough to drop my Mom's case, even for the shortest amount of time. I have _never_ stopped for anybody before. You know why?" I lift my eyes up to meet his as I ask the question.

He shakes his head.

"I stopped this year because, even though I wasn't completely ready to drop it, I realised that you're more important than it is. I realised that, when I'm with you, I can be the Kate Beckett I was before she died. I stopped because I realised you make me that person, and I want to be that person Rick, I do. But I can't be her if I'm dead. You made me believe that my life is worth more than her death. _You_ made me believe that. And believe me, so many people have tried to before: my Dad, Lanie, Ryan, Espo, Montgomery, some of my old friends. But I didn't listen to any of them. Only you."

"Why me?" He whispers. "Why believe me over everyone else?"

I gently run my index finger over his cheek. "You know why." I whisper, but say it anyway. "Because I love you."

_I've never felt like this before_

_I'm naked around you_

_Does it show?_

_You see right through me_

_And I can't hide_

_I'm naked around you_

_And it feels so right_

"What're we gonna do now, Kate?" He asks me, linking our fingers together.

"What do you mean?"

"At the precinct. Are we going to tell people or-"

"Rick, I quit."

"You… what?"

"I quit. Gates was suspending Espo and I for going to get Maddox without telling anyone, and when I was giving her my badge, I told her to keep it because I quit."

"But… that was your life! You can't just give that up, Kate!"

"I already have. But… what will you do now? I mean, will you find another cop to follow? Will you get a new muse?" I ask uncertainly. I know it seems petty and selfish, but I want to be his muse. His _only_ muse.

"Kate, don't worry. I'm not getting another muse. After working with you for a year, I had enough information to write fifty books, so by now I have enough to write at least two hundred. The whole research thing was just my excuse to stay. I thought I already told you that I'm a one-cop kinda guy." He smirks at me, rewording what I said to him when Alexander Conrad started following us around to learn the art of how to write a good murder.

"I saw what you just did there." I smile at him.

"There it is." He whispers, tracing the line of my smile. "I _promise_, I'm not gonna get another muse. You're my only muse. 'Kay?"

I nod my head. "You know, you just did it again."

"Did what?"

"Read my mind. Eased my doubts. Helped me."

_I'm naked_

_Does it show?_

_I'm naked_

"So, now that you know I'm not getting another muse, what do you suggest we do now that you've quit?"

"Well, I could go back to school. Redo my pre-law course. But I won't be your muse anymore. Even if you say I am, I'm not. I can't inspire you anymore." I grumble, slightly put-out.

"Kate, you may not be my inspiration for Nikki's take-downs anymore, but you will be my muse for the next page 105."

"I swear, if last night ends up in the next book, you're dead." I laugh, but poke his bare chest – hard – so he realises my threat is real.

_I'm naked around you_

_Does it show?_

_I'm so naked around you_

_And I can't hide_

_You're gonna, you're gonna_

_See right through_

"Are you really going to stop your mom's case?" He looks up at me and I open my mouth to assure him that yes, I am done, but he ploughs ahead. "And I don't mean for just now. I know you're gonna stop for now. But what about when the next big lead comes along? Are you just gonna let it pass you by? Will you listen to me when I tell you that you need to stop?"

"I can't promise that when the next lead comes along I won't chase it, but I can – I will – promise that if you ask me to stop, then I will. If you want me stop, I'll stop."

"Really?"

"Scout's Honour." I smirk at him and he narrows his eyes at me.

"You were never a scout."

_You see right through me_

_And I can't hide_

"No, I wasn't. I guess you're starting to rub off on me." I tease.

"Apparently. So… what do you wanna do today?"

"Stay here." I say.

"Why?"

"Because if we're in here, then Maddox can't get us." I sit silently for a moment before it hits me. "When's Alexis getting back?" I ask, beginning to panic again.

"Ummm… Around midday, I guess. I'm having lunch with her, but you can come too."

"I don't think I'm the best person for her to be around at the moment."

_You're gonna see right through_

"What? Why not? She adores you, Kate."

I shake my head vehemently, "No she doesn't. Not anymore. I constantly put you in danger, Rick. And I've been lying to you for last year."

"I haven't told her anything, though."

"Rick, she's smart. I can guarantee she realised something wasn't right between us. Besides, she just graduated. She needs you, Rick. She needs your whole, undivided attention. She needs someone on solid ground right now."

I see it in his eyes when he realises what I'm really worried about.

"Kate," he reaches out and places his hand on my cheek. "Nobody's perfect. We all have our earthquakes, our tremors. And I'm no exception, Alexis knows that better than anyone. You're no different than anyone else, Kate. We all have unstable days where everything around us is at risk of falling and breaking, and during those unstable days, we need someone to hold onto us, someone to steady us. Alexis steadied me after you were shot, so she knows what it's like. She'll understand if I have to help steady you. Alexis knows perfectly well what it's like to be around people who aren't on stable ground. I mean, she lives with Mother and I. She's not really going to mind having another unstable person around."

_I'm naked around you_

"I hate you." I grumble.

"What? Why?" He asks, shocked.

"Because you did it again, and then you proved how unwarranted my fears are. Why are you so good with words?"

"It's kinda my job to be good with words. I mean, I don't exactly get paid for being a volunteer cop." He jokes.

"Civilian investigator. You're a civilian investigator."

"Can't I be a civilian detective?" He whines, making me chuckle. "I am so good." He says triumphantly.

"Huh? You change subject so quickly. I literally can't keep up with your train of thought!"

"I relieved your fears and made you laugh." He explains, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh, I-"

The sound of the loft door opening cuts off my sentence.

_I'm so naked around you_

_And I can't hide_

_You're gonna see right through, baby_

"Dad? Are you awake?" Alexis's voice travels through the loft.

We sit, unmoving, in the bed.

"Dad? Please don't tell me you got that drunk last night that you passed out!" She yells and we hear her keys clink as she drops them in the bowl near the door.

"You said she wasn't supposed to get home til noon!" I hiss at him.

He shrugs his shoulders, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, and says, "I just presumed that. I mean, generally lunch isn't til noon at the earliest."

"Get dressed!" I say and hit his chest to get him moving.

He quickly scrambles out of the bed and runs over to his wardrobe.

"_Rick_!" I say and he turns around. "I kinda need my pants." I point to my underwear, still in his hand, and he throws them at me. "Gee, thanks." I say sarcastically as I quickly pull them on and join him at the wardrobe.

"Dad! Are you in your bedroom?" Her voice is closer now, proof that she's moving through the loft in search of her father.

"Here." He says, giving me a red top and a pair of grey sweatpants.

As I pull the pants on, I realise that they fit me perfectly. That's when I look down and discover that they're _mine_. As is the top in my hands. "Rick, these are mine."

"Yeah, you accidently left them after you stayed here when your apartment blew up. I decided to keep them in case you ever needed to stay here again."

"So you didn't put them on your pillow and hug it, pretending it was me?" I lift an eyebrow at him.

"Well… maybe. But my initial intentions were purely for your sake."

"Mhmmmm." I say, unbelieving.

We are now both completely dressed.

"You ready to see if she minds having another earthquake prone person around?" Rick asks me as we walk to the door of the bedroom.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I sigh and he pulls the door open, revealing his daughter.

* * *

**How was that?**

**I've decided to make this a series of songfics. Give me a song and a base storyline and I'll write it for you… And if you like, you can beta your idea for me and tell me whether it's what you wanted or not, before I upload it :)**

**Oh, did anyone get the "You're so funny sometimes." "I know, right." **

**For those that don't know, Stana and Nathan said the same thing to each other in the season 3 bloopers ;)**


	2. Everything I Own

_**Everything I Own**_

**I had this idea while I was making a sandwich for lunch (Nutella and raspberry jam). I wrote it a while ago and only just decided to post it on the weekend :)  
**

**I know that the deaths of the either Beckett or Castle have been played around with _a lot_ (and I hate people that kill them… I know, I'm a hyporcrite), but I thought I'd try something a bit more angsty than usual, because normally I'm just the romantic who hooks them up and gives them presents, sisters, and babies ;)**

**Be warned, I loved this song before I wrote this but now I hate it (okay, not really, but it very nearly makes me cry). Whenever I hear it or watch the movie _BandSlam_ all I can think about is Castle and Beckett with one of them dead.**

**Sorry if I ruin the song for you, too.**

**Oh, and I almost cried writing this.**

**Pre _Always_… Actually, pre _47 Seconds_. Basically pretend 47 Seconds didn't happen. The year went on with cases, but Castle never officially found out that Beckett remembered.  
**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Castle_, and even if I did I would never make this story a reality… I'd just hook Castle and Beckett up and give them two kids… or three or four ;p And _Everything I Own_ is David Bowie's, I'm pretty sure.

* * *

**December 17 2012**

The woman stands with the eighteen year old redhead beside her.

The teenager clutches the woman's hand desperately, needing some form of support.

The woman clutches the girl's hand back just as tightly, also needing support.

But the support they both need they will never, ever get again.

The support they both need is the arms of the man lying in the wooden coffin in front of them. Neither of them will ever have his arms around them again.

Kate remembers back to the cases they've shared. The hard ones, the easy ones, the ones that he joked about, the ones that she cried about.

The tears start streaming down Kate's face. She cries in silence, as she always does. She doesn't want anyone to see her weakness. She needs to be strong for the girl beside her.

* * *

Alexis remembers everything. She remembers Christmases, Easters, Thanks Givings, Halloweens, birthdays.

She remembers running through the park with him, kicking up the golden fall leaves.

She remembers him teaching her how to ride a bike.

She remembers him teaching her how to play poker.

She remembers how she felt when she was worried that he'd die in the bank robbery. She remembers the relief she felt when she saw him walking out of the bank with Kate.

* * *

Kate remembers walking through Central Park with him after one of their harder cases.

_You sheltered me from harm_

_Kept me warm_

_Kept me warm_

He didn't say anything; just grabbed her coat off the back of her chair, her arm as he passed her, and led her into the elevator.

He led her down the street to a coffee shop where he bought a coffee for each of them. When he had handed hers to her, she had surprised him by allowing their fingers to touch for longer than was necessary. She had then surprised him even more by linking her arm through his as they continued down the street to the park.

She played his little game with him as they were walking through the park. They made up the life stories of everyone they passed. That jogger is a spy on her way to hand over valuable information to her commander. That man is a get-around doctor. That man is… Albus Dumbledore. She laughed at his crazy theories, but also added her own to the mix.

_You gave my life to me_

_Set me free_

_Set me free_

They were sitting on a bench, watching children run around, when he had said to her, "Do you remember our first case?"

"Of course." She had smiled shyly at him. "And every one since."

_The finest years I ever knew_

_Are all the years I had with you_

Kate comes back to the current reality, tears still making tracks down her cheeks.

Alexis walks over to the casket and places a lily on top, before coming back and grabbing Kate's hand again.

_And I would give everything I own_

_Give all my life, my heart, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Just to have you once again_

Kate releases Alexis's hand and walks forward. She goes to place the lily in her hand beside Alexis's, but instead she finds herself removing the girl's flower and yanking the lid of the coffin open. She hears the murmurs coming from behind her, but she ignores them.

She unclasps the chain from around her neck and places it – her mother's ring and all – in his hands.

Kate again remembers previous cases. She remembers the case about the doctor who broke his girlfriend out of jail. She remembers him reading out a letter to her that the doctor had written to his girlfriend while she was in jail: 'No matter how much you try, you'll never get rid of me. I love you.'

She remembers him always bringing her a coffee, even after she'd screamed at him for no reason.

She remembers him telling her "Always".

_You taught me how to love_

_What it's of_

_What it's of_

_You never said too much_

_But still you showed the way_

_And I knew from watching you_

Kate looks down at his face for the last time and whispers "Always."

_Nobody else could ever know_

_The part of me that can't let go_

Kate remembers screaming at him. She remembers him standing there, allowing her to scream at him. She remembers him holding her while she cried after she had stopped screaming. She remembers him pulling her to safety as she drowned in her mother's case again.

_And I would give everything I own_

_Give all my life, my heart, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Just to have you once again_

"I'm sorry." Kate whispers to the now closed coffin. "This is all my fault. I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

Kate remembers back to five days ago. They were going to grab a suspect who had been discovered as the murderer for the case that they were investigating. She had been annoyed with him on the car ride over. He wasn't doing anything bad; just being Castle. But he'd been 'just being Castle' all day and it was starting to irritate her.

"Alright Castle." She had said as they pulled up at the address. "Stay here."

"No I'm coming with you. The boys aren't here yet. I'll be your back-up."

They both climbed out of the car. Kate knew that there was no point arguing because he'd come anyhow. "Fine," She sighed, "But stay behind me."

They had walked up the two flights of stairs to Raphael Rinaldi's apartment, Castle obediently staying behind Beckett.

"Ok Castle. Keep behind me, stay close, don't wander off and if anything happens get the hell out. 'Kay?" Beckett had said.

"Okay."

Beckett had kicked the door down, yelling "NYPD! Don't move!" She had repeated the 'NYPD' bit multiple times, but it was obvious that nobody was there.

Castle had been uncharacteristically quiet, so she decided to check on him. "Castle, you still there?" She had asked quietly without looking over her shoulder.

"Yep." He had replied. She passed the doorway of the apartment again and started walking towards another door. "Beckett, I don't think anyone's…" Castle was cut off by a gun shot and a bullet ripping through his back.

"CASTLE!" Beckett screamed, whirling around. Standing in the apartment's doorway was Raphael Rinaldi, holding a gun.

Beckett was quick, though, and shot him straight in the heart before he could shoot her. He fell to the floor, unmoving.

Beckett knew that she had killed him, but she didn't care.

"Castle." She ran over to her partner who was lying on the ground in a quickly expanding pool of blood.

_Is there someone you know?_

_You're loving them so_

_But taking them all for granted_

"Castle," She whispered, lifting his head up onto her knees.

"Kate." He had mumbled weakly. "You're beautiful."

Beckett had choked out a noise that was a cross between a sob and a laugh.

"I'm glad I amuse you." He had grinned up at her.

_You may lose them one day_

_Someone takes them away_

_And they don't hear the words_

_You'd love to say_

"I love you." She whispered.

"I know Kate. I know. I love you too. I'll wait for you Kate, I promise." One of Beckett's tears fell and landed on Castle's cheek. "Always." He had whispered before he stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating.

"Always. I'll love you always." She had whispered back and closed his beautiful blue eyes.

_I would give everything I own_

_Give all my life, my heart, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Just to have you_

_I gotta have you!_

And so, one the 12th of the 12th, 2012, the end of Kate's world began with the death of the man she loved.

This was Kate's personal Armageddon. This was her end. Everyone knew that no-one would be able to save her now.

_I would give everything I own  
Everything_

_Give all my life, my heart, my home_

_My home, my home_

_I would give everything I own_

_Everything, everything I own_

_Just to have you_

_Just to have you_

But, unbeknownst to everyone, even Kate herself, there was one person who would be able to save her. The girl sobbing beside Kate could save her, just a Kate could save Alexis.

They had both lost the most important person in their lives.

They would be each other's support.

They would be each other's saviours.

* * *

**Anyone have any song requests or storylines?**

**And has anyone seen the BTS pictures of season 5? You know the ones with Stana at Beckett's place and the mic in the shot hanging above her head?**

**Ahhhhhh! I'm dying with excitement! Only two months for the lucky bastards that are Americans and other Northern Hemispherians ;) I, on the other hand, along with the other Aussie and Southern Hemispherian fans, have to wait til next year :*( It's okay though, cos I'll just watch it on the internet ;)**

**BTW I probably should've clarified earlier that the songs can be any setting at any stage during Caskett's partnership / relationship! If you have something for season 1, I can do it, or if you have one for futureness (think wedding, kids etc) I can do it!  
**


	3. Comatose

_**Comatose**_

**This was Laurel's song and storyline, so basically I'm just turning her amazing idea into something concrete. **

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything. _Castle_ is Andrew Marlowe's, _Comatose_ is Skillet's, and even this idea isn't mine – it's Laurel's BTW ;)

* * *

I watch Kate as she reads the eulogy. The eulogy that she somehow managed to write through her distress and devastation, both at the loss of her Captain, and the fact that he had been involved in her mother's death.

"…best you could hope for is to find a place to make your stand. And if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you." Beckett looks up at me for the briefest second, her eyes full of meaning, before she looks back out at the crowd gathered to honour a great man. "Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight…"

I look back out, not at the people, but into the distance, thinking.

I see a flash come from behind a granite tombstone, and squint, trying to work out what it is as I take a small step closer to my partner. I tilt my head sideways, _maybe I just imagined it._ But no… Another flash and…

"Kate!" I yell and lunge at her, just as the shot fires.

_I hate feeling like this  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of  
Is waking to you  
_

I hear voices; familiar voices, worried voices.

Ryan: "Where'd the shot come from?"

Esposito: "Lanie, get down!"

One of Montgomery's old colleagues: "The shooter's over there!"

A uni's voice that I recognise from a scene a few weeks ago: "Shot came from the north-east!"

Ryan again: "Beckett down, Beckett down!"

I look down at Kate, my hand resting on her chest, and I feel the warmth not radiating, but oozing into my hand. No, no, _no_! Not now! We were so close!

Please not now!

_Tell me that you will listen  
Your touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hide I realize  
I'm slowly losing you  
_

"Oh Kate. Shhh." I whisper to her, begging her.

I gently push her hair back from her face and see the horror in her eyes.

I see how utterly terrified she is.

"Kate, please. Stay with me, Kate."

Even as I plead with her, I know my efforts are in vain. I can see the life draining out of her, her skin becoming paler with every passing second, her breathing more shallow and laboured with every breath she takes. Beneath my hands, I can feel her heart weakening. A fluttering beat. A pause. A few normal beats.

Everything inside her is coming undone, nothing working how it should be.

And the whole time all I can see is her eyes. Her vibrant, full of life, don't-mess-with-me eyes, full of fear.

_Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

_I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Less I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

"Don't leave me, please." I whisper, my eyes firmly locked on hers.

I really should be comforting her, should be calming her down, should be telling her that everything will be fine, instead of pleading with her.

But everything won't be fine.

We both know that.

If she survives this, there will be ramifications. If she doesn't survive this… I don't know how I'll survive without her.

I realise, I've become addicted to her, as we both are addicted to coffee. As alcoholics are addicted to alcohol, as smokers are addicted to smoking, are druggies are addicted to drugs. They know it's not healthy, but they can't get enough of it.

She's my drug.

A drug I would be happy to never have to live without.

_I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

_I hate living without you  
Dead wrong to ever doubt you  
But my demons lay in waiting  
Tempting me away  
_

I think back to our fight, not 48 hours earlier.

"…_I'm your partner. I'm your friend."_

"_Is that what we are?" She had asked me._

"_You know what? I don't know what we are. We kiss and then we never talk about it. We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we never talk about it. So no, I got no clue what we are. I know I don't want to see you throw your life away."_

Why did we say those things to each other? How could we do that? After everything we've been through, how did we get so caught up in the chase that we turned on each other?

_Oh, how I adore you  
Oh, how I thirst for you  
Oh, how I need you_

_Comatose_  
_I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

No, no, no. We can't end like that! She can't die after the things we said to each other!

She needs to be ok.

She needs to be ok so I can apologise.

She needs to be ok because I can't live without her.

She's going to pull through this. She's still conscious, so if the medics get here soon…

_I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Less I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

_I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream_  
_'Cause my dreams don't comfort me_  
_The way you make me feel_  
_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

"Stay with me, okay?" I say, pushing some hair that had fallen loose from the bun back from her face

_Breathing life, waking up  
My eyes open up_

_Comatose_  
_I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

I need to tell her how I feel.

Just in case. Just in case I wake up in the morning and she's gone.

So I tell her: "Kate, I love you."

_I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Less I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)  
_

"I love you, Kate."

One lone tear slides down her cheek and she… smiles. She actually gives the sky a small smile.

And then, her eyes slip closed.

_I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)  
_

The ambulance arrives and the paramedics jump out, running towards us with a stretcher.

Esposito pulls me away from her body so that the medics can lift her on to the stretcher.

I can't stop the tears that run down my face as I watch them place her limp body on the stretcher and pick it up, carrying her back to the ambulance.

Just as they're about to close the ambulance door, I run over. "Let me in! Let me go with her!" I shout at one of the medics as he closes the door.

"I'm sorry sir, there is already someone in with her. There is no room for anybody else."

"Who's with her?"

"Dr Lanie Parish." The medic answers calmly. "Now please sir, we need to get to the hospital."

"Lanie!" I yell, bashing my fist on the closed door. "Let me in! Lanie!"

"Sir, please…"

The door swings open and Lanie jumps out, blood covering her hands, before she pushes me in. "Keep her alive, Castle." She says, before running over to Esposito, yelling, "Javi, we're following the ambulance!"

_Oh, how I adore you  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)  
Oh, how I thirst for you  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)  
Oh, how I adore you  
The way you make me feel  
(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

As we race towards the hospital, I grasp Kate's hand tightly in my own. With every second her skin gets colder and her breath more shallow.

She comes around a few times, and thrashes at the tubes she's hooked to and swats the medics trying to staunch the blood flow.

Each time, I soothe her as best I can. I kneel beside her and whisper into her ear and rub circles onto the back of her hand with my thumb.

Just before we get to the hospital, she whispers, "Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

Before falling motionless again.

At least I know that she heard me, no matter what happens.

She knows that I love her.

She knows that she has to wake up for me, because I can't wake up without her.

* * *

**Again, I'd like to thank Laurel for this amazing idea! **

**If anybody has any ideas for songs, let me know!**

**And does anybody have any inspirational _Castle_ quotes? Like, "If you don't believe in even the possibility of magic, you will never ever find it." or "Everyone deserves a fairytale." or "The point is, there's always a story… You just have to find it." or "Sometimes the most worthwhile things in life are often the most difficult." The quotes can be from any season and any character…**


	4. The One You Call

**The One You Call**

**Ahahaha I wrote this last night when I was supposed to be studying for my maths and SOSE exams… Whoops…**

**Post _Undead Again_, pre _Always_ :)**

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own _Castle_ or _Crash And Burn_. _Castle_ is Mr Marlowe's and _Crash And Burn_ is Savage Garden's.

* * *

_When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned its back on you_

_Give me a moment please_

_To tame your wild, wild heart_

I wake up in my darkened apartment, immediately sitting straight up, reaching towards the drawer containing my gun, almost drowned in the cold sweat covering every inch of my body. I grab the gun and crawl out of bed, creeping down the corridor of my apartment.

_**BANG!**_

A car backfires in the street below. I startle and swing around in a circle, making sure nobody is creeping up on me from behind.

I reach the lounge room and head for the couch, sitting down carefully when I reach it. I know it's all in my head but… It's still there. It's still real. And because it's all in my head, I can't escape it.

I see my mobile sitting on the coffee table and scramble to get it. I just need to talk to someone. Lanie will come over, I'm sure.

I fumble trying to unlock the screen, and the phone falls from my fingers, crashing to the ground. I curse myself for my lack of control and bend over, carefully picking my phone up with shaky hands. I hit the second speed dial number and listen as it rings once, twice, three times, before someone answers.

"Hello? Do we have a case?" Comes Castle's groggy, sleep-filled voice.

Lanie and Castle aren't… I pull the phone away from my ear and see that I called speed dial 1 instead of 2.

"Ummm no, we… we don't have a case." I say. "Look, I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry. Just go back to sleep."

"No Kate, wait…!" I hear his voice and hit the end-call button.

_I know you feel like_

_The walls are closing in on you_

_It's hard to find relief_

_And people can be so cold_

_When darkness is upon your door_

_And you feel like you_

_Can't take anymore_

Not ten seconds later my mobile starts ringing, its shrill noise piercing the silence and scaring me silly.

Two possibilities. One, murder. Two, Castle.

I check the caller ID. Castle.

I sigh, and answer the call. "Castle, I said it doesn't matter. Just…"

"No, Kate. You sounded really shaken up. What's the matter?" He cuts me off.

"I just… It's stupid." I mumble.

"Kate, you can tell me anything. You know I'll listen. Trust me." He whispers back and I hear a noise in the background that sounds like a door being closed. Martha must have just got home from one of her late-night classes.

"I had a nightmare. About the day I got shot. But it wasn't just that. It was in the hangar with Montgomery, and in the alley with my mum. And then it went back to my shooting, but it was you that got shot instead of me. And then it was the bank robbery and you… you died in the explosion. And then it went back to my shooting and I was lying there bleeding out and… and…" I choke on a sob.

"Shhh, Kate, shhh." He tries to soothe. "It's ok. It wasn't real. It was just a dream. You're fine, Kate. You're alive. You're breathing and your heart's beating."

I hear the sounds of late-night New York traffic, but I'm too scared and upset to think anything of it.

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away_

_With you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_Then I can mend a broken heart_

_And if you need to crash_

_Then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

"But… but it wasn't just me! It was you too! You died and I… I couldn't do anything! All those years of training and I couldn't save you!" I stammer.

"Kate, I trust you. I know that you have my back, just like I have yours. If anything happens to me, you'll be there to catch me, and vice versa. We're partners, okay? We break each other's falls, we glue each other back to together, and most importantly, we're always there for each other. Okay?" He asks.

I nod my head slowly in silence.

"Kate?" He asks, and that's when I realise he can't actually see me nodding my head. "Are you still there?"

"Yes. Sorry. I was nodding my head. I forgot you can't see me."

I hear him chuckle and suddenly there's a knock on my door.

I jump to my feet, my gun in my hands in an instant, and creep to the door, my phone left forgotten on the couch.

I silently unlock the deadbolt and slide the chain across, before quickly pulling the door open and lifting my gun to face height.

_When you feel all alone_

_And a loyal friend is hard to find_

_You're caught in a one way street_

_With the monsters in your head_

_When hopes and dreams are far away_

_And you feel like you_

_Can't face the day_

"I can see you now." Castle says quietly, eying me cautiously. "And can you stop pointing the gun at my face."

"It's you." I breathe out a sigh of relief and feel my knees give way from underneath me. Luckily, Castle's close enough to wrap his hands around my waist and keep me vertical.

"Told you I'd catch you." He smiles at me.

"It's you." I whisper again on a sob.

"Oh my god, Kate." Castle whispers, and walks me over to the couch where he sits me down. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head silently again, unable to talk.

"You are not okay!" He exclaims. "You look like a mess!"

"Gee, thanks." I chuckle.

"See, most women would have been insulted by that comment, but it just makes you laugh. I swear, I will never have you worked out, Katherine Beckett."

"And I will never have you worked out, Richard Castle. I mean, I didn't expect you to show up!" I say.

"What was I supposed to do?! You called me in the middle of the night and… you sounded so scared, Kate. The only thing I could do was come."

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away_

_With you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_Then I can mend a broken heart_

_And if you need to crash_

_Then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

I watch Castle's face and see the worry that he felt, and I smile at him. "Well, for what it's worth, I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the time. And thanks for coming over."

He smiles back at me. "Always."

"You know, I'd come over if you needed me."

The smile on Castle's face changes to a smirk and I hit his chest.

"Not like that, you dirty-minded man!" I laugh at him.

"Come on Kate! You knew how bad it sounded as soon as it was out of your mouth."

"Yes, but that's beside the point." I look down at my legs, curled under my body, and whisper. "I miss her so much."

Castle gasps in understanding. "That's what today is! It's her birthday!"

I nod my head and feel the tears fall quietly, rolling down my cheeks. "Yeah. today would've been her sixtieth."

'_Cause there has always been heartache and pain_

_And when it's over you'll breathe again_

_You'll breathe again_

We sit in silence for a minute before Castle asks, "What do you usually do on her birthday?"

"At this time of the morning usually I'm curled up in bed looking at old photos and listening to sad music. When it gets to a more decent hour I'll go visit her. The last couple I've years I've had lunch with dad. Sometimes I'll go back to her in the afternoon, or sometimes I'll just come home and watch old home movies and cry." I answer, looking up into his eyes. They're the clearest blue I have ever seen, and I say, "She would've liked you, you know? Actually, she would've loved you. And her and Martha would've gone crazy together! And she would've adored Alexis."

"I would've loved the opportunity to meet her. But you know, I think you're a lot more like her than you realise. You like me. You manage to put up with my mother. You adore Alexis, and she adores you."

I feel the tears fall even quicker down my face and Castle pulls me into his side, resting his chin on top of my head, and for the first time in a long time, I feel safe. Completely, utterly, safe.

_When you feel all alone_

_And the world has turned its back on you_

_Give me a moment please_

_To tame your wild, wild heart_

"Kate," Castle whispers to me.

I try to look up at him, but to do that I have to move my head away from his chest where it had settled quite comfortably. I pull back a little begrudgingly, and look up at him. "Yes Rick?"

My use of his first name catches us both slightly off guard and we stare at each other, stunned, for a few moments.

"I… I can stay with you today, if you'd like?" He offers but I can tell that he wants to say more than that, but he doesn't, so I don't pressure him.

"That'd be great." I pause for a minute and then add, almost as an afterthought, "Thank you."

"For what?" He looks at me curiously.

_Let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away_

_With you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_Then I can mend a broken heart_

_And if you need to crash_

_Then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

"For breaking my fall. For lifting me back up. For fixing me. For accepting me despite my many flaws. For just being _you_."

He smiles at me. "My dear, I can't really be anyone other than me. And those other things are easy to do when you lo… when you care about someone." He corrects himself.

"Um, do you mind if we go to bed? I can't guarantee to stay awake for very long, and the couch isn't the most comfortable place to sleep. I know from experience."

"Sure." He says softly and stands, picking me up on the way.

"You didn't have to carry me." I laugh at him.

He shrugs his shoulders as best he can when he's carrying me bridal style.

I direct him to my bedroom, and he carefully places me down in the bed and pulls the covers up over me.

_Well let me be the one you call_

_If you jump I'll break your fall_

_Lift you up and fly away_

_With you into the night_

_If you need to fall apart_

_Then I can mend a broken heart_

"Um, Rick?" I ask him. "Before you get in can you please bring me the TV remote?" I ask, pointing to the TV at the end of my bed.

"Sure," He says and walks to the TV, grabbing the remote from beside it, and bringing it back to me, before he looks around the room curiously.

"Are you gonna get in, or stand and admire the wallpaper?" I ask him, patting the bed beside me.

"You want me… to get in?" He asks incredulously.

"No I want Santa Claus to get in." I say sarcastically.

"See! I knew you believed in him!" Castle exclaims, but walks around to the other side of the bed. "Are you sure?" He questions me, his eyes boring in to mine.

"Yes I am." I say, and he quickly climbs into the bed before I back out.

_And if you need to crash_

_Then crash and burn_

_You're not alone_

We spend the next hour or so watching some movies of my mum and I from when I was a little girl, Castle saying on more than one occasion, "You were so cute!"

A few of the videos make me cry, and Castle simply holds me as I cry and wipes away the tears with his thumb. Slowly, we go from sitting up with our backs against the headboard to lying down, curled up together with my head on his chest.

"Rick?" I whisper, as sleep drowns us both.

"Mmmm?" He replies.

"I know it's a bit of a late response, but I love you too."

"Mmmm, thought so. And better late than never, right?"

"Right."

"You know, I think you should have midnight meltdowns more often. This was fun."

I laugh sleepily and press my lips to chest. "But next time, let's do it without the clothes."

* * *

**Anybody have any ideas for songs? And I haven't forgotten my other stories, I've just been super busy and haven't had a chance to write much... :(**


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